HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT PARTNER
HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT PARTNER
Finding the right partner
or spouse is not like finding the right person to help you survive a lonely
summer — it means finding a person that you can see yourself growing old with
and loving thirty, forty, or fifty or more years down the line.
Choosing the person you
want to marry or commit to forever is serious business, and it demands a lot of
forethought, responsibility, and honesty. But once you’ve found that special
person, all of your hard work will be worth it and you can get ready for a lifetime
of happiness. If you want to know how to find the right partner or spouse, just
follow these steps.
Love
yourself
Seriously — loving yourself
before you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is the
easiest way to ensure that you’ll be committing yourself to that person for the
right reasons. You don’t have to be 100% satisfied with yourself, but if you’re
unhappy with who you are, you’re at risk of getting together with someone just
because he or she makes you feel better about yourself.
In a sense, yes, the person
you marry should “complete you,” making you feel completely whole as a person —
but you should already love who you are and feel blessed that the person you
want to be with makes you feel even better!
You should be happy with
who you are, what you do, and how you look — this will not only make it easier
for you to attract people with your confidence, but it will make you look for
an equally amazing person who will only make your life better, not the person
who can fill in all of the gaps in your unsatisfactory life.
Be
(reasonably) happy being alone
Let’s face it — being single when all of your
friends are happily dating or married is no picnic. You may want love more than
anything in the world, and it’s natural for you to feel lonely or sad if you
can’t find it. But part of loving yourself is loving spending time solo, and
finding ways to stay interested and excited about life without a significant
other. This will make you feel even better when that special person comes
along!
Get
some experience
If you find your first love
when you’re sixteen, then you are a rare and lucky breed. However, most people
do not in fact marry their first, or second, or even their fourth boyfriend or
girlfriend. Dating more people lets you understand the endless ways that a
relationship can work, and can make you see that there are so many forms and
dynamics that a relationship can have.
Though you shouldn’t ditch
the person you love just to play the field, if you think you’re just “pretty
happy” with the person you’re with but have never dated anyone else, it’s
better to see what’s out there than to settle.
Dating a lot of people
helps you learn to compromise, and will make you even surer that what you feel
for your future spouse is truly special.
Getting some sexual
experience never hurt anyone either. If you’ve had a few partners before you’ve
met your special someone, you’ll be even more sure that the chemistry you share
is truly special.
If you end up committing to
the first person you’ve been with without being truly happy, you may spend the
rest of your life wondering about what’s out there.
Don’t
settle
Not settling is related to
loving yourself, loving being alone, and having some experience. People settle
all too often because they find someone who makes them feel less alone and
loved, even if it’s not in the right way. Another reason people settle is because
they’ve been with the same person for five years and realize they “might as
well” get married because that’s what everyone else is doing or because they’ve
been together for so long that it’s the only logical step.
You should only get married
because that’s what you want, not because it’s what the other person wants,
because it’s what your family wants, or because you’re too scared to say
goodbye.
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